


'Cause You're a Boy

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gay Male Character, Gay Poe Dameron, Hate Crimes, Homophobia, M/M, Poe Dameron/Finn Fluff, Racism, Slurs, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23625973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I didn’t think you’d feel it too,” Finn repeats Poe’s earlier words, completely blissed out.“I always have,” Poe assures him.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	'Cause You're a Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Lots and lots of homophobic slurs are used in this story as well as a racial slur. Finn gets punched for being gay. Finn has internalized homophobia. There is also mention of Finn's life as an orphan. Please don't read this if any of these themes are triggering for you.  
> Please enjoy this fic. I literally did not proofread this at all so wish me luck lol. I was listening to Are You In The Mood by Bay Faction and it inspired me so I highly recommend you listen to that song. Also just saying typing out the N word made me feel so ugly how do people call someone that? Anyway!!! Enjoy this fic.

“Hey,” someone hollers from across the street. Finn doesn’t turn, doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction. He knows it’s Ben Solo, he’s had it out for Finn since day one. He’s only one block from his house, if he keeps his head down maybe he can make it home safe and sound. Now he can hear Ben’s feet slapping against the pavement, Finn wants to run. But he won’t, he won’t give Ben the satisfaction. Then Ben’s hand is on Finn’s shoulder and he’s spinning him around to glower down at him. “I’m talking to you, fag.”

Finn flinches at the slur but he still refuses to look Ben Solo in the eyes. Now it’s less about pride and more about fear. Ben Solo reminds him of a dog Finn used to encounter at his old foster home. He was living in a particularly poor part of Milwaukee and his neighbor had a big, mean shepherd mix. When Finn first moved in next door the dog had terrorized him. Every morning when he walked to school he’d eye the dog apprehensively. Every morning without fail Scooby would come charging off his owner’s front porch and throw himself against the fence while barking savagely. However, he quickly discovered that if he just didn’t look at the dog it would just stay laying on the porch. Looking into Ben Solo’s eyes was sure to bring out a rage in him similar to that dog.

“You stay away from my friends, queer boy,” Ben shouts at him. Spittle flies from his mouth and hits Finn in the face. He knows what this is about. Armitage Hux caught him peeking at him in the locker room. Finn hadn’t meant to, it was just a split second glance. He had noticed that over summer Hux had an explosive growth spurt, he looked so gangly and he was all hip bones and ribs. That split second glance was all it took for Hux to catch him looking, he hadn’t said anything directly to Finn; Hux was far less volatile than Ben was. He must have mentioned it to him though, and Ben wasn't a big fan of what he liked to call “queers”. “Say ‘yes sir’ so I know you heard me, fag.”

Finn doesn’t respond, he still won’t look Ben Solo in the eyes. He tries to shake the hand off his shoulder but Ben’s grip is too strong, vice like. Now the rabid boy in front of him is enraged. Finn watches in slow motion as Ben pulls his arm back and makes a fist. Finn takes a second to finally look at Ben’s face. It’s tomato red and his teeth are clamped down on his bottom lip, a look of uncontrolled rage. Finn is terrified. Then Ben Solo’s large fist smashes into Finn’s cheekbone and he falls to the ground, his chin smacking hard on the sidewalk. He’s scared Ben isn’t done yet, but the scrawny boy doesn’t stick around; he probably doesn’t want to get caught. 

* * *

When Finn moved in with his latest foster mom last year he became fast friends with Poe Dameron. He lives in the little house next to Finn’s with his dad and their door is always open to Finn who often goes over to enjoy Kes Dameron’s cooking. This afternoon he is particularly happy for the Dameron’s open door policy. His chin is crusty with dry blood and he has a purple bruise forming on his cheek bone already. He’s not ready to face his foster mom yet, she’ll fuss over him and want to know what happened. Finn hasn’t come up with an explanation yet, he certainly can’t tell her the truth. He can’t let her know he’s a  _ queer. _ Finn hasn’t even really accepted it himself yet. He’s been teased for being a “fairy boy” or a “fag” since middle school but he always thought that was just kids being cruel, he never thought he was actually gay. In the last few years he’s found himself becoming increasingly  _ curious _ about boys. He had even watched a little gay porn once, but he turned it off once the two men started taking their clothes off. It made him feel  _ dirty _ .

Finn slips inside the Dameron house and tiptoes past the kitchen where Kes is cooking. It smells delicious and spicy and Finn’s stomach rumbles. He’ll have to text Maz and let her know he’s going to stay at the Dameron’s for dinner. She won’t mind, Fridays are takeout night anyways and it will give her an excuse to get Chinese since Finn isn’t a fan. Finn takes the steps two at a time and knocks on the first door on the left. “Come in,” Poe calls out.

Finn enters quickly and shuts the door behind him. Poe is sitting on his bed playing play station, it’s Finn’s favorite game: Spyro the Dragon. He plops down beside his friend who finally bothers to look up at him. “Shit, Finn! What the hell happened?”

“Ben Solo,” Finn says softly, a shy flush of warmth creeping up his neck and into his cheeks. 

“Fuck,” Poe hisses. “Ben Solo  _ sucks _ . Let me go get a wet rag or something and we can clean up your chin.” Poe hands his controllers to Finn and leaves the room, presumably to get the aforementioned wet rag. Finn starts his turn on Spyro, but he has a hard time focusing. He’s thinking about Armitage Hux; the way he looked in the locker room with his shorts hung low on hips hips. He had a patch of fuzzy blonde hair poking out over his waistband. For the first time ever Finn is completely certain he’s gay. Even just the  _ thought _ of Armitage Hux’s pubic hair makes something stir deep inside him.

Then Poe is back, thankfully giving Finn something to think about other than Hux. Finn sets his controller aside and Poe comes to stand in front of him. “I’ll be gentle,” Poe assures him. Those words make Finn’s belly tighten with desire, which is immediately followed by strong feelings of disgust and shame. Poe is his  _ friend  _ and it’s perverse to feel any kind of desire for him. Nonetheless, when Poe reaches out to dab the warm rag at his friend’s chin the feelings of desire only strengthen. Poe has always looked out for Finn and always been so kind to him.

“Did he have a reason?” Poe asks quietly, obviously talking about Ben. Finn knows he’s only asking so as to not assume. Ben did it for the same reason he always hits Finn. Because Finn is an  _ orphan,  _ a  _ queer _ , and a  _ nigger _ . All things that Ben Solo and his band of alt-right friends hate.

“The usual,” Finn tells him, and there’s no need for more words between them. Poe brings his other hand up to press against Finn’s cheek, turning his head so Poe can get a better angle at his chin. Finn’s heart swells three sizes in his chest. Poe’s tanned face is scrunched in concentration while he works.

“Poe,” Finn says, his voice barely more than a whisper, “I need to tell you something.” He regrets it the moment the words are out of his mouth, he doesn’t know what’s come over him. Poe stops working, lets both his hands fall from Finn’s face. He just looks at him with the softest, most patient expression. For a moment Finn’s mind reels, trying to come up with anything else he can tell Poe. But then he decides he’s sick of it, he’s sick of hiding this about himself. He needs to tell  _ someone _ . And if anyone would understand it’s Poe, he’s the biggest liberal Finn has ever met, rivaled only his father Kes. “He punched me because I was-” Finn hesitates, taking his plump lower lip between his teeth for a moment. Then, with a huff, Finn releases his lip. “Hux caught me staring at him in the locker room.”

Some emotion flashes across Poe’s face briefly, so briefly that Finn can’t decipher what it means. Is he disgusted that his best friend has been gay all this time? Maybe he’s worried people will think he’s gay since he’s been hanging out with a  _ fairy. _ But, what he says surprises Finn to his very core. “Really, Armitage Hux? You have terrible taste, Finn.” That he flashes him a toothy smile. Finn feels like a huge weight was just lifted off his chest.

Blushing, Finn says, “Don’t judge me, I like gingers.”

“Gross,” Poe laughs. “You should find yourself a nice Latino boy. Our food is better.” Finn’s cheeks are positively burning now. What does  _ that _ mean? Then he chastises himself for reading into it. It didn’t mean anything, Poe is just making a joke in true Poe fashion. Finn knows for a fact that Poe isn’t gay, he lost his virginity to Jessika Pava a month ago and the list of girls he’s kissed is far longer. 

Poe reaches up then and ghosts his fingers over the bruise on Finn’s cheek. Then he trails his fingers down Finn’s jaw and runs his thumb across his scuffed chin. Finn’s skin is burning at the touch and he’s certain there’s a new electric quality to the air around them. If he didn’t know better he’d be certain this is more than just a moment between two friends. It feels romantically, maybe even sexually, charged.

“I am partial to Guatemalan food,” Finn’s voice shocks him, both with what he’s said and how husky it is. Who’s controlling his mouth? Because it’s not him, he would never be brave enough to say something like that. Least of all to Poe; his best friend, a  _ boy. _

“I didn’t think you’d feel it too,” Poe responds. There’s no denying that he’s looking at Finn’s lips. His tongue comes out to wet his own and Finn is fascinated by it, unable to keep his eyes off the flash of pink. Poe’s palms are flat against either side of Finn’s face now and suddenly his eyes are shut and his face is getting closer, closer, closer. Finn’s heart is hammering against his chest and he wants to run away but instead he lets his own eyes flutter shut. And then Poe’s mouth is against his own, wet and warm and soft. Finn has never kissed anyone before and he doesn’t know what to do, but Poe does and he takes the lead. Finn mimics his motions, letting their lips move together. Then Poe is pulling back, resting his forehead against Finn’s. 

“I didn’t think you’d feel it too,” Finn repeats Poe’s earlier words, completely blissed out.

“I always have,” Poe assures him.


End file.
